Thanks for all the good wishes people.

Nobody has offerred me a Tuscan villa jjjjjjjjjjjuuuuuuuuust yet but

Josie suggests I rock up and demand to see the accounts at the cafe zizzi in London,.. i think she may be onto something, as they seem to be popping up all over the UK,..

Old friend, celebrity impersonator Mr K Katsieris (who works in an office) has passed on this very sound advice;

1) Stay away from home-made hot lookanika from yugoslavia.. they are real arse burners
2) Goats milk tastes like shit no matter what country you're in!!
3) If someone comes up to you and says "Sucky sucky long time" I think you've gone treking a little too far east
4) "Threating to violate their family" is a means of getting from point A to point B in a taxi while in Greece for under $50